We got back from our road trip to Florida yesterday morning…
…and had Violet’s first post surgical followup yesterday afternoon.
Her first question for the doctor was “Can I do my gymnastics again?” except she said dimnastics rather than gymnastics so the doctor was a bit confused. After I cleared up all pronunciation issues, he gave her the okay and she immediately started trying to do somersaults on the exam table. I stopped her midflip and put her on the floor. We’ve had enough ER visits for the time being.
It’s amazing how resilient little kids are. As soon as she got the okay, she was bouncing around like nothing happened.
Mama on the other hand, isn’t ready to bounce yet. I had hoped to go over some of Violet’s medical records with the doctor, but they are still slowly arriving. I might be obsessing (okay, I AM obsessing) but I just need to know where her diagnosis went wrong. An intestinal malrotation is a congenital birth defect, meaning it is present at birth. It’s extremely likely this is what always made her sick. Did none of the testing reveal the problem or did the doctors overlook it? I need to know why my baby was misdiagnosed and why she needlessly suffered through so much pain for the last (almost) three years.
Over a dozen hospital admissions. Five different hospitals. Countless tests. Countless specialists. Time after time I said something was wrong, and time after time I was shot down.
I think back to the nurse in the hospital when newborn Violet was just hours old. She had started throwing up what looked like saliva in her little hospital bassinet. “Is that normal?” I asked the nurse. I remember being concerned she would choke. The nurse had paused tentatively and then responded “Yeah…” but her voice trailed off in a way that made me uneasy. I asked a few more questions at the time, but the nurse kept saying it was okay, so I pushed it out of my mind. That nurse was just the first person in a long line of people who would act like I was overreacting about everything.
I keep reminding myself to be thankful my little girl is healthy, to be thankful that we finally had an ER doctor who was as concerned as I was, to be thankful that the surgeon got there in time. So many things to be thankful for, and yet I just can’t shake this need for answers too.